NOTE: For those who are hyper-non-ultimates*, please disregard this message! This message is for those who earnestly and sincerely are seeking Christian community, not as an alternative to their ultimate love for God but as an vehicle for others to walk with them in their spiritual walk with Christ!
Having been raised in a Restoration Movement, non-denominational New Testament Christian church, before the days of cell groups, I had always wondered what the apostle Paul meant when he wrote in Acts 2:44 (ESV), “And all who believed were together and had all things in common”, or what James meant in his letter, “Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed” (5:16, ESV). Could someone, a Christian, ACTUALLY earn the trust of another believer and confess his or her deepest temptations, sins and struggles? Apparently they could in the New Testament times, but in modern times, such a person (depending on the sin) could find themselves either harshly rebuked, condemned or ostracized or all three!
After college, I discovered that such a Christian community existed: a safe harbor where one could, without fear of rejection and/or condemnation, be completely open about their struggles, temptations and stumbles into sin. Additionally, many of these groups also contained a person who had committed themselves to walking with you** in your walk with Christ.
It wasn’t until much later that I learned that such a walk** was having a destructive effect on my life and I had to leave after also realizing that my faith in God had grown less than my relationship with my discipling relationships and those in the family group (cell group). But, even after I left, I cannot help but wonder if there was a small amount of the closeness of that cell group experience wasn’t also right and connected to the environments which Paul and James had referred to so many hundreds of years ago.
In April, 2004, I was introduced to The Village Church and specifically, the no-nonsense, unapologetic preaching of Matt Chandler. In several of his messages, he described the closeness of the relationships he had with his fellow male staff-members, which he called “community”. Unfortunately, I would later learn some valuable lessons about community (for an accurate description of community, go to http://fm.thevillagechurch.net/documents/fm/community/WhatIsBiblicalCommunity.pdf and read).
Shortly before I became a member of The Village, I sought out through one of my newest friends a home group which demonstrated what I had interpreted Matt had taught. My first home group consisted of over 20 young men of various ages and stages in their spiritual walk, many of whom had already been walking together for many years. My eagerness to establish, build and maintain community with many of them was quickly misinterpreted as something much different and after a year, having only built community with a few of them, I left in search of another group. It was several months before I found another group in the same geographical area, which was a multi-generational group comprised of married couples, some with young children and some whose children had grown up. I was only there for a few months, as I found it difficult to relate (me: single, no children). After a few months, I found yet another multi-generational group, this time comprising of married couples, singles, and dating couples. After building a quick and strong friendship with the leader, I began to finally believe that I had come “home”.
During my journey in finding a community-minded home group, I have learned a few valuable lessons. One, not everyone in the home group will be in community with everyone. Some will be in community with only a few and others will not be. Some may have already built community with others outside the group and probably don’t see the importance or necessity in forging more relationships, even within the group! While I don’t believe that this is necessarily sin, it does have the potential of hindering cohesiveness within the group.
Secondly, when you have found those few with whom you are in community, build on that friendship through love, honor, harmony, encouragement, service, bearing burdens, forgiveness, submission, honesty, and mutual confession. Learn to be grateful for the community relationships you DO have, fostering and maintaining them.
Lastly, remember: not everyone will be at the same level of spiritual maturity as you and they are also just as imperfect and insecure. Be patient, loving and careful.
CAUTION: You WILL be tempted to leave in search of another, better, more “perfect” group! It DOESN’T exist!
*Note: A “hyper-non-ultimate” is a person who, at the mere communication of any passion toward something other than God, retorts with a reminder that “only God is ultimate”. You know who you are!
**Note: This person was titled a “disciple” who was skilled in the art of abusive discipleship, where their every piece of advice was expected to be followed on the grounds that God had predestined your relationship.
