Community is “a social, religious, occupational, or other group sharing common characteristics or interests and perceived or perceiving itself as distinct in some respect from the larger society within which it exists (usually preceded by ‘the’)”. This is a natural and organic experience and, despite the good intentions of the Church, such experiences like this cannot be attached to a program. Church programs tend to cause such natural phenomenon to implode. 

After a conversation with a acquaintance-soon-to-be-friend after posting “Gospel-centered Community, Such as It Is”, I have a little better understanding of what the true definition of “Gospel-centered community”: where two or more Christians can walk together in total transparency with each other, iron sharpening iron.

With this new definition in mind, I have revised the following:

I was with some friends the other day and we were discussing the perceived lack of gospel-centered community within our home group outside of our weekly meeting. After about an hour of discussion, we arrived repeatedly at the same conclusion: we all desire to have Gospel-centered community with each other but yet, many of our lifestyles make it difficult to make the time to walk together in that, once we have ALL mutually shared our deepest sin struggles and temptations (we are a multi-generational home group).

To begin: I have SERIOUS trust issues which stem originally from a 12 year nightmarish journey within a religious sect. While there, we also were encouraged to have authentic, transparent “discipling”* times as a body of believers. Unfortunately, that “discipling” was performed in the most abusive form of manipulative work salvation imaginable. Needless to say, while hearing repeatedly how “safe” an environment that home groups possess, I have a knee-jerk trust issue when it comes to transparency, especially in a group setting (I have found that one-on-one conversations are easier to manage).

Here’s my take on the desire to spend time in Gospel-centered community outside of our weekly meeting: I am 47, single (never married), male, and work a non-exempt 40-hour, 7:30-4:30 Monday through Friday work week. As I grew up, I saw that many if not most dating couples had little if any time for “community” with others who weren’t in the same station of life as they. And once they got married, time for others decreased further. Unfortunately, I interpreted that to mean that dating and married couples only had time for their partner or spouse and that just didn’t seem “fair” to me, so I decided that dating and marriage wasn’t for me.

NOW, today, I see the same time restriction. I see couples (dating and married) struggle with the desire to commune with others yet having difficulty making it a reality. Yes, making time for Gospel-centered community is mutually intentional, but … here’s what I have learned and have had to accept: I can either get and remain upset at my friends who are dating or married because they don’t can’t make time for community** OR I can be happy and satisfied with the community I have with those I have it with OR I can become bitter and frustrated. I have chosen the former. It has amazed me how GOD has orchestrated the few friends that I have who have been able to make time for community. Look, the reality is: dating and married couples need to make time for their partners and spouse, and when those marriages produce families, those families need time-investments as well. I don’t believe that they can be held at fault for not feeling able to have the community which they desperately desire. Here’s what I know: I have to be happy and satisfied with what community God has provided me.

*Note: “Discipling” is a term used by the International Churches of Christ, which is today also using the name International Christian Churches.

**Note: I got tired of typing out “Gospel-centered”, so from here on, when I write “community”, it is meant strictly as Gospel-cented community!

During my twelve years in a religious sect (read my profile above), I learned the value of friendships in community.

Growing up, I had only one friend from third grade to high school graduation. All of my other classmates had grown up and attended church (and possibly church camp) together and did not extend friendship toward myself or my friend, Marvin.

Shortly after I left the religious sect after twelve years’ involvement, through the encouragement of a good friend of mine for whom I am eternally grateful, I was introduced to The Village Church in April, 2004. Since that time, I have learned more about grace and mercy than I ever had, but, almost as important, the community of good friends. 

When I first heard Matt speak of community, it was initially presented with the understanding that community would be found within the small groups. Now, there is a presupposition that everyone in the group set simultaneously ALSO want and desire that same level of community. When I found my first group, I thought (or went in with the presupposition) that everyone within the group had the same desire. I came in, dying of thirst (metaphorically) for that close-knit community which Matt spoke of every week. Unfortunately, my thirst was not filled and, the more I attempted to drill deeper, the more people seemed to repel against it. It wasn’t until later that I learned that, perhaps, community can only be achieved with a few within the group and NOT the entirety.

Today, I am in a multi-generational home group, which consists of single men and women, dating and married couples, ages ranging from 18 to 50’s. Now, currently, I am in community with a few of the men in the group, including my home group leader, who want to walk with me as I wrestled well with my pursuit of Christ in this thing called the Christian Life.

Now, recently, I have been advised by another good friend of mine that I strongly consider seeking counseling for loneliness and some mild depression. And, while that may be warranted, would it also warrant that some of my friends might use the excuse that, due to the possibility that my seeking community is making it “ultimate” that they refrain from doing so? I don’t THINK so! I believe that every Christian should, regardless of where their brother or sister is in  their walk, reach out to them and include them in community. I think that, too many times, we look at others’ struggles and only see them as their struggle!

In the meantime, I will enjoy the community I have with my brothers and can only hope that others will grow into maturity and follow suit.

When MySpace began in June, 2006, seems like EVERYONE signed up for social networking. And for a while, things went well until everyone began putting up all kinds of weird background “wallpaper” on the sites, then all kinds of graphic (more like pornographic!) stuff started popping up and it just got insanely crazy (yeah, I’m redundant that way!). So, I deactivated my MySpace account.

Then when Facebook began in September, 2006, I joined the ranks and signed up. Here was a cleaner-looking social network (Note: a part of me wants to use the word “online community” but too many of my Christian friends get hung up on the word “community” and it’s REAL definition, so I’ll refrain!) and ALL of my friends were signing up too.

Here’s my take on social networking: my church has grown from 168 to over 8,000 in weekend attendance, from one campus to now 3, many of which have multiple service times. The friends and loved ones who I would see every week are now scattered across the Dallas Metroplex and we rarely see each other (and, NO, my happiness and spiritual well-being is NOT comprised solely upon my relationships! It’s just a little thing called “COMMUNITY”! For a clear definition, listen to EVERYTHING that Matt Chandler says about it.). So, for me, Facebook is about seeing what’s going on in the lives of my church friends, as well as my high school friends and my college alma mater mates.

As far as “living” (think: “lurking”) on Facebook, no, I check it like I do my voicemail and email: login, read, logout. Simple.